so much scope for the imagination

Switching platforms

2010-02-15T18:33:00.000-05:00

Well friends,
I am switching to the wordpress platform.
You can follow my adventures over at: http://mkirk84.wordpress.com/
Hope to see you there!

Skunk Snouts

2010-02-13T19:26:00.000-05:00

Skunk Noses

Proving that there are regional differences, I now share a story that was told to me at Pleasant Grove United’s fall corn roast. Beulah, the organist of the church and church matriarch (in the best sense of the word) shared this gem with me.

When she was growing up as a girl on the Island, there was a real problem with skunks. To help allieviate the problem, people were offered $.10 per skunk snout. Now to paint a picture, Beulah, is a woman who certainly has a clear understanding of how things should be. Not a hard-nosed church woman, she is simply a strong woman who is clear about what should and should not happen in the church. And so it just amazed me to hear of a young Beulah sets multiple traps to catch skunks. On her way to school she would collect the traps that were full and take them to the river to drown the skunks. She would re-set the traps and head to school. She had a tin full of salt that she would put the skunk snouts in, saving them up so “it was a good pay-out” I nearly fell out of my chair! The colourful past of Beulah! Who would have thunk? Skunk Snouts.

Come together right now, over me

2010-02-13T19:25:00.000-05:00

(Sidebar: is it cocky to use a Beatles' song to describe an event about me?)

For those who are unfamiliar with the United Church, this is what you need to know; we in the United Church we love a good covenanting service. A covenanting service is a way to mark the beginning of a relationship. Based out of the scriptural witness of Noah, Abraham and of Jesus, the covenanting service is meant to mark the entering into a relationship with a congregation and most importantly with God.

Having been placed on a five-point charge (meaning there are five churches), getting to my covenanting service took a bit of time. I hadn’t made it to all the churches yet, but had been working for three weeks before we could gather all the church communities together for the covenanting and what would be my first communion service (on the other side of the pulpit)

There are no words to describe what that Sunday was like. There is just no words I could summon that would describe the love and support that I felt that day. To have all the congregations in one place ... well it just doesn’t happen often. And to hear them speak of journeying with me, honouring this new learning relationship, brought tears to my eyes. And then to help lead a communion service...

Having never having helped lead communion from behind the pulpit, I had never experienced how amazing it was. (I know I keep saying that... but really what other word can you use?) There was this palpitiable sense of the sacred. Our Celtic forebears speak of times such as this as thin spaces, when the barrier between us and the sacred is thin. I am still floored that I am able to doing this as part of my job. I am such a lucky girl!

Here are some shots from the wonderful day. Can you see the nerves? On the left is me standing at the pulpit prepping before the service. The centre pic of during the actual covenanting at York United with my LST (Lay Supervision Team). The final shot is me, my LST and my supervisor Joy after the service.

Standing on my own two feet

2010-02-13T19:18:00.000-05:00

I have been blessed to be a second generation minister (well third on my mom’s side, her grandfather was also a minister) My mother is a wonderful minister and I have been witness to that way that she has touched the lives of many. As I grew up, and came into my own in both camping and youth ministry, it was often for people after meeting me to say “Oh you are Cheryl’s daughter....I just love her. She is such a wonderful minister.” Even when I went to theological school, my mother’s legacy followed, as one of my professor’s went to school with her and led a youth group with her.

I have always has a love/hate relationship with my mother’s legacy. I am so proud of who she is, and am blessed that people often consider me in the same breath. But if I am honest, there are times when I wish that the first words weren’t “Oh you are Cheryl’s daughter”, but something like “Oh nice to meet you” or some such sentiment. Every person wants to stand on their own merits, not only the laurels of others. It didn’t want to have my ministry be seen as a reflection or copy of my Mom’s or anyone else for that matter.

I hadn’t realized that I would be afforded this opportunity during this internship.

When I attended my first presbytery meeting on the Island, something felt different. I met so many people and it took me a full day after the meeting to realize that I hadn’t heard the familiar phrase at all. And it was freeing. Whatever would come from my time out here would be based I what I did... myself. For better or worse, Cheryl’s daughter was no longer my chief descriptor.

I had the opportunity to find my own voice and style and do so without comparisons. I am still my mother’s daughter and am shaped by her ministry and how it played out in my life. But I have also discovered that I have my own style and presence of ministry and that it has been affirmed in my time out here.

Who knew that Presbytery would offer such a gift? Usually all it gives is a numb bum from sitting still for so long!

Mama Kirk and I on our road trip out to the Island

An Introduction to being a Hooker.

2010-02-13T19:15:00.001-05:00

Yep, you read that right. I have become a hooker since I moved to the Island. Let me back up as explain before the wrong idea creeps in and someone reports me for deplorable behaviour on internship.

Each Monday, at York United, the Monday Group meets. It is an open time for people of the community to come together for fellowship, fun and crafting. I rather naively showed up during one of my first weeks on the Island, unsure what to expect. Not being a crafty person, I brought some letter writing materials to fill the time.

I remember distinctly those first moments. Most of the women there had already settled in, sitting with burlap material stretched across frames, working and chatting. I walked around the room, looking at these mats that were made by pushing strips of fabric through the burlap, creating the most beautiful designs. I sat in awe at the speed at which their hands whirled as the shared the news of the community. I think I spent that first Monday just watching... and almost got away with it, until one of the Hookers (they took that name themselves) looked at me and asked: “And what are you working on? Are you just sitting there?” I sheepishly replied that I am not very crafty and that I was enjoying watching them work. This did not satisfy her. “Oh well, we will have to fix that. We will make a hooker of you yet!”

If only I knew then....

(I will try and track down some pictures to show you the glorious crafting experience that is rug hooking)

One... Two....Three....

2010-02-13T19:13:00.002-05:00

One of the wonderful sights that I can see out of my front bay window is the Covehead lighthouse. Situated in the National Park, the lighthouse was actually built in memory of American sailors who died in an awful sea gale there in the 1800’s. Build to prevent the same devastation again, the Covehead lighthouse shines on guarding the North Shore. My mother and I took a day, touring through the park and found ourselves parked and wandering around the lighthouse. The road that brings you to the lighthouse has a bridge on it.

On that bridge, stood two girls. They stood perched on the bridge, trying to jump into the water, being egged on by the boys who had clearly already jumped in. There they stood, starting into the water, unsure if they could jump. They would crouch down, as if they were going to jump and would chicken out at the last moment. Mom and I stood there watching, waiting to see if they would jump in or climb back over the guard rail and admit defeat. I was rooting for them to make the leap... even if only to prove they were just as tough as the boys.

And then quietly, the younger of the two reached her hand out and looked at the other girl. In unspoken words, they clasped hands, saying through their actions that together they could do it. Alone, the jump was too big, too deep and overwhelming. But together, together they might be able to do it. They both crouched down again and counted out-loud “One... Two... Three... Go!!”

As they plunged in, screaming the whole way, I thought that was just what I needed to see that. Here I was about to start something new, feeling rather alone on the edge. My mom would be leaving and then it would be just me on this 5-point charge, figuring out this ministry thing. But as time would quickly show me, I was not alone up there. The whole of the church community was up there, waiting to take my hand and jump in. We would jump in together. I shared this story with each one of the churches as I started my time with them. Inviting them to take a leap of faith with me.

Green Gables; A dream realized

2010-02-13T19:12:00.000-05:00

First, I should confess I have been an Anne fan since I first read about the iconic red-head when I was in grade two. Practically, every summer since then, I have returned to Green Gables, following in the adventures of Anne-Girl and Gilbert. I have always felt a certain affinity to Anne (clearly, look at the name of the blog) and have often been teased about it by friends and family. So, of course, when I found out that I was moving to the Island, I began dreaming of finally standing in front of the house that I had dreamed of and loved since childhood.

On my second day in the Island, my Mom and I trekked out to see Green Gables. Mom had warned me not to get my hopes up; remembering that it was not in great shape when she and Dad visited it many years ago. And I heard her warning, but couldn’t help but feel my heart pound with excitement as we left. As fate would have it, my house is a mere 15 minute drive away from Cavendish. (!!!)

We arrived bright and early, hoping to avoid the crowds of end of season tourists. We started out touring through a visitor’s centre with information about Anne’s creator, Lucy Maud Montgomery. My stomach flipped with Joy. After touring through there, you are invited to watch a video, narrated by LMM’s grandchildren about the site and Anne. As I sat there, I became overwhelmed. The reality of a childhood dream hit me. As tears began to fall down my face, I realized that Green Gables, really represented how far I had come and what a journey I was about to start. I tried to hide it, as there were others with us. But try as I might, as we excited the theatre about to see Green Gables, I couldn’t stop. Mom and I stopped, so I could collect myself before we saw it. See below for evidence of how that went....

Of course, that did not last long.... as soon as I saw it, I was reduced to a crying child. I was so moved and it couldn’t have been any better! In fact, it exceeded my imagination... and that is saying something, as I have a fabulous imagination, if I do say so myself. There was an odd sense of home-coming and proud newness there. We spent hours meandering that day. I spent a large chunk of it crying.... I am who I am, an Anne-fan who had her dreams realized as she crossed the threshold into a place and province that would change her forever.

Moving to the Island: A lesson in East Coast Hospitality

2010-02-13T19:06:00.000-05:00

Here is a shot of my awesome house. This was taken just recently during a snow storm

This internship I have been blessed to be living in a house that has ruined everyday life for me. Before arriving, I didn’t have a clear picture of where I would be staying. I knew that it is the summer home of a couple who summer in the Pastoral Charge. Out of the goodness of their heart, they offered to let the intern stay at their place while they returned to Massachusetts to teach for the year. And that was about all that I knew.

So there I sat in my supervisor’s car, about two hours after arriving on the Island. My mom and I had piled into Joy’s car and had just finished a tour of the pastoral charge. As we began the trek out to Brackley Beach, I could feel my stomach tightening up. I knew that I would cope with whatever they had arranged for me for the following eight months, but given the beauty I had seen so far, I really hoped that it would be great.

We pulled into the driveway and both my Mom’s and my own jaw dropped. Here sat the house, looking over the Brackley Bay, literally a minute’s drive outside of the National Park. Situated just right, I am able to catch both the sunrise and sunsets from my deck. Nervously, I entered in the front door, waiting to meet the people whose home I was going in. Claudia and David. What embodiments of East Coast Hospitality. Claudia, the fire cracker of the pair, quickly pulled me into a hug and welcomed me to my new home, tears shining in her eyes. David, the laid back one, held back, watching and providing helpful information as we went.

When I think about that moment, I get choked up. Here I was standing at the beginning of a new chapter and had found two new cheerleaders in my journey. They had known me for just a short while, but I knew they were genuine in their excitement for me. I can only imagine how differently I would have felt if I hadn’t felt their East Coast hospitality envelop me as they welcomed me home.

A Much Needed Bullet Update

2009-09-28T07:07:00.003-04:00

Yay! Finally, my dial-up decided that I should be able to post an update. Imagine how red my face was when I realized how long it has been since I last blogged. (To be fair, not having Internet at my home this summer and only having access when at work really did cut into my ability to post)
So in order to bring everyone up to speed, I think I shall do a point-form list of my past few months, starting based from my last post.

- Finished out the school year and sadly moved out of my sweet apartment in Toronto. Also, after seeing the neurologist, managed to get a hold on my migraines! Woo hoo!
- Before moving out of Toronto, I discovered that I would be moving to PEI for my 8 month internship. Talk about fitting: the girl who has a blog that is named after a Anne of Green Gables quote, now moves less than 20 minutes from Green Gables
- I was Director of the same day camp that I worked at the past summer. In total, the staff team reached 13, our Jr Leaders numbered 15 and our camps grew from 6 weeks to 8 weeks. However, this time was not without challenge. The chair of my Camping Committee
(also the husband of my boss), who is also a close family friend, faced allegations that while in ministry he sexually assaulted two teens. This was a huge blow. Not only did I have to sort through how I felt about it, but I also had to help the staff team navigate this. I also in many ways was thrown into a PR role, being put in the role of being the approachable face attached to the situation. I am still unpacking what that whole experience. I know that there was a lot of good, but tough learning.
- While working at camp, I lived with a Swiss farming family who were members of the church. I will probably write other posts about them. Oh man! It was an entertaining summer with them. Often times, dinner felt like I was in a foreign film without subtitles!
- I was also blessed to have a great summer working and living with my little brother. It had been seven years since we had lived together. It was amazing that I got to get to know him as an adult. He is no longer the seven year old that I always picture in my head. We had a great summer together, both looking into huge transition times. He was heading off to university and me off to PEI
- My maternal Grandfather (my only living grandfather) took a turn for the worst. His previously misdiagnosed Alzheimer's kicked up a notch and he ended up in the hospital... multiple times. He is now living in a nursing home, while my Grandmother lives in the house that they shared for 60 years by herself. It has been scary and sad to watch my mother and my aunts and uncles wrestle with this new reality. Also to watch my Grandmother, who is a fearsomely strong women cope with this change.
- The move out to PEI was a wonderful trip with my mother. It was three long days of driving but for the memories it was amazing. I will definitely be posting about it later
- My internship here on the Island has me living up on the North Shore, right outside the National Park, with an ocean bay view. I am working at a 5 point pastoral charge. Translation: I work for five churches. My supervisor and I get along really well and the congregations are great. I have been loving living here! If only I didn't have dial-up, I would upload some picture to share with you the amazing place I am living in
-And of course, I have been doing everything Anne related that I can. Thus far, I have gone to Green Gables (what an amazing experience), visited Dalvay-by-the-Sea which was White Sands in the classic Anne of Green Gables movies, and most recently took in Anne of Green Gables the musical. Let me just tell you, I am in heaven!

Well I think those are the major things that have happened. I am pledging to be a better blogger now. I promise that I shall post as frequently as my Internet shall allow. This may mean that I will have to write my posts and put them up in groups as the Internet will allow. Well, I should be off. I need to head out to the hospital to see if anyone is in and would like a visit. Wish me luck.

I am still alive

2009-02-26T10:58:00.002-05:00

Well, its been a few days since I've posted. I am doing okay. I've had a couple migraines and therefore been knocked down a peg or two. In fact, I feel kinda crappy today and am hoping that cleaning and organizing my place/ yoga-ing it up tonight will help.
I promise I will post more later. I really need to clean my pig sty of a place... it's gross. And you can't do yoga if there is no room to do it.
Wish me luck. Here's hoping I won't make an ass out of myself in front of my friend who is coming over...

thoughts...

2009-02-21T21:49:00.002-05:00

I think I am truly a glutton for punishment.
I know I should write an update about the conference... but so much happened that I still need to process there. It went super amazing but you know a lot happens in six days of intense community.
And being the idiot that I am, when I came home, I decided to watch girly movies. Sometimes, girly movies are the root of all evil... seriously. Let me tell you why this is a SUPER bad idea last night.
I am an emotional person at the best of times. But add in not getting enough sleep, plus saying goodbye to friends and to an event that I have invested my heart and soul into, and it is a recipe for me to dissolve into a puddle of tears at the drop of a hat.
This was an especially bad idea when I have a boy on the brain, and decide to put on the Sex in the City movie. Clearly I made it about 10 minutes in before I was crying.
I then proceeded to cry through the majority of the movie, and have one of the most disheartening conversations ever. A friend of mine was talking to me about my boy situation (which got complex this week) and was so pessimistic and well... mean, that it just depressed me. Normally, she is super supportive, but my situation sounded too similar to the one that broke her heart, so she went into Mama Bear protection mode.
Obviously, not really what I wanted to hear when I was already doubting the situation with the boy (clearly I just wanted to be assured that he was into me)
Cue the boy striking up a convo with me. Now, if I was smart, I would have said "Sorry can't talk, need to go to bed."
Obviously... I did not. Glutton for Punishment= me!
I won't go into details, but ultimately my worst fears were confirmed. He indeed does like someone else. And the super crappy part of the conversation was that he was SO great during the conversation. The way I found out he liked this other girl was because we started talking about my boy troubles. It started because I said I was feeling a wee bit emotionally confused about a boy, and he was just so sweet. Telling me how great I am... you know all those sweet things you want to hear. Except when it is followed by him making reference to this other girl. Cue my heart being wrenched out. Not only has he dashed my hopes, he has done it while killing me with kindness. And he probably has no idea that he is the one that I was talking about (if there is a God, he won't know!)
I am trying to remain positive about this. We have since talked again. And it wasn't weird. Which is a plus. I was totally worried that I may have really put my foot in it last night. I did give him full strength crazy. But true to form, he was amazing. So this is a plus. Friendship maintained. And knowing he isn't into me, in a way, frees me. Prevents me from falling more; which may be a good thing when I am leaving for internship soon.
Sigh. I should have just gone to bed. ha ha! Isn't that always the case?
I will try to make my next post a wee bit happier. Hopefully, this will just be a tiny blip to get over. I will keep you posted.

A Wee Little Break

2009-02-14T08:21:00.004-05:00

So I am off for a week to help lead a conference that I have been planning for a year.
Expect an update later.
Take care
love me
ps- Happy Valentine's Day

stupid freakin' migraines!

2009-02-12T14:50:00.003-05:00

So in the spirit of honesty, I may or may not be stoned.
I have been dodging a migraine for days now. Between the gong show that has been my life the past couple weeks, school work and prepping for this conference that starts on Saturday.... I knew it was coming. But somehow I was crazy enough to think I could allude it.
And so this morning, after having a wonderful night last night with the ladies, I woke up in so much pain that I nearly puked. Luckily one of my friend's crashed here and was the best ever and went and got my migraine meds, in the pouring rain. I have the best friends. I think I should get her a present to say thanks. She really did take care of me.
Why oh why after nearly two months of not having migraines do they return? It's like casting Paris Hilton in a movie... no one wants to see her, and yet people keep casting her. Why oh why!
Any who, I am going to head back to bed. I only woke up to get something to eat. My meds give me mad munchies. I am off to try and slumber away my medicated stupor.

Stars and Moon

2009-02-08T15:58:00.003-05:00

So, my friend (to whom I shall refer to as Stars) just left my place.
Stars and I have known each other since I was 14 years old. We met at camp when I was a CIT and she was a staff member. We bonded over camp and church stuff and soon grew to be close friends. Our friendship has remained close even though we went to different universities and now live in different cities. She is one of those friends that if you don't see them for a while when you get back together, it is like no time had passed at all.
Stars recently got engaged and has asked me to help officiate the wedding this summer. Originally, she wanted me to do the whole service, but because of the way ordination works, I wouldn't be able to do the legal aspects of the marriage. So I will be doing the wedding with a friend of theirs. This will be my first wedding that I have ever officiated and I am so honoured and thrilled to be asked to be part of their special day.
So this weekend, Stars came so that we could pin down some details about the wedding. It was so exciting and fun. Her wedding is going to be great and I can't wait for it. But I must admit, it was a little weird. Not that I would be leading the wedding, because that felt very natural. It was weird because of my history with Stars.
Back when we worked at camp together, Stars and I would lament about our love-lives. One day, I complained that I would never find anyone to be my "stars and moon" (a la all the cheesy romance films that I love so). And so Stars, who was feeling equally down about her love life, said: "That's it! If no guys can see how great we are, then we will be each other's Stars and Moon!" And so the nic-name was born. Now 6 years later, we still call each other that.
This weekend, as awesome as it was, was also a little sad. My Stars is leaving me for a man. The other day, I was talking to a friend about this and he kindly reminded me that I just need to find a new star then. Easier said than done! ha ha!
I hate to admit this but it kind of feels like I am falling behind. Stars has someone, and I am still single. I fear that this sneaky little feeling of sadness might rear it's head on the wedding day. For that reason, I am really hoping that I will be able to find someone to come with me to the wedding. I don't mind going stag, but I think I am going to need some support that day. It is going to be such a beautiful, emotional and heart-warming day. That and most of Stars' friends seem to be married folks.
Don't get me wrong, I am SO so happy for Stars and I am so excited to be a part of her big day. But I just needed to vent a little about it. I know that I shouldn't feel like this, but I do. So I need to feel it and move forward.
(I swear my next post will be happier, and less self-indulgent whining)

Falling in line with the Facebook craze... here is my list of "25 Things"

2009-02-06T21:06:00.003-05:00

1. I secretly... okay not so secretly wish my life was a musical. The closet I have ever come was once at a bar called Cowboys where a song came on and everyone started to line dance and sing.
2. As a child, I didn't have one imaginary friend. As my mother would say, I had an army of imaginary friends. My imagination is one of my greatest gifts... and one of my greatest undoings.
3. I get started when previews for scary movies come on tv after 9:00. They run through my mind while I am trying to sleep and my imagination runs wild.
4. I have some of the wildest dreams and usually remember a lot of them. Either this is a good thing, or a sign that I am not getting a full nights rest...
5. I think I have an obsessive personality, with a limited time frame. I get into obsessions that last for about two week intervals and then move on (sort of). For example I went through a very embarrassing stage of loving The Da Vinci Code and everything related to it. Most recently it has been watching Ghostwriter again.
6. I get fictional crushes... all the time. Mr Darcy from Pride and Prejudice, Gilbert from Anne of Green Gables, Edward from Twilight, Adam from a Ring of Endless light... the list goes on.
7. I still blush at dirty jokes. Sometimes I think people say them just to watch me blush and squirm, and I still can't stop it.
8. I am a hopeless romantic. Damn you Disney!
9. I knew I was going to be a minster since I was 8 or 9 years old...
10. which brings me to my next point: I am stubborn person at times. I like to call it my tenacious streak. I reused to admit i was going to be a minster until I was "ready".
11. I spent the majority of my life hating my hair, and now I can't imagine it any other way. I actually love it most days.
12. I have broken: my left arm, my right elbow, my big toe on my left foot, my left thumb... i think that is all. I have had three concussions and far too many sprains to count. I am an accident waiting to happen and often bring those around me down in the process of getting hurt. (Consider yourself warned)
13. I was once mauled by 40 kids at camp. You know the scene in the Matrix where Neo is swarmed by all the Agent Smiths? I was totally Neo, minus the cool powers.
14. I still miss working at Kenesserie Camp and think I always will. However I also loved being a director of my own day camp this summer and can't wait to do it again this summer.
15. I love gratuitous swearing. There is nothing better than a well placed f-bomb. This is a bad habit I need to get in check before I "grow up", lest one Sunday I drop one from behind the pulpit.
16.I still have baby teeth. My adult eye teeth grow into my nasal cavity rather than into my mouth. I had surgery to remove them from said nasal cavity in grade 10. Because i still have my baby teeth, I have a wonky smile.
17. I love the feeling of sand between my toes especially sand from my cottage
18. I have the annoying habit of shouting out when people on television and movies are left-handed. It's not enough that I notice, everyone else should notice too. (I think is a symptom of be a super proud left-handed person)
19. I own over 80 movies, not including TV DVDs.... I think I have a problem.
20. I am irrationally afraid of spiders. We are talking about hyperventilating and shaking and usually tears. I had to have Erin kill all the spiders in our house in undergrad. In return I killed the centipedes.
21. People blowing their nose loudly gives me the heebee-jeebees. I hate when I can hear the transfer of snot onto kleenex.
22. I've always wanted someone to throw me a surprise party. (is that awful to say?)
23. When I go home to visit my parents, I usually don't make plans with other people because I love staying in with them. We have dinner together, watch a movie, and top the night of by having popcorn while watching Numbers (yes, I am aware that I am a 50 year old woman waiting to happen... and you all love me for it)
24. I think that I am fundamentally unable to flirt.
25. My Dad's nic name for me is Puddle Duck, as in Beatrix Potter's Jemima Puddle-Duck. My Grandma Kirk called him that as a child and in turn when I have kids (God willing), my first born shall have that nic name. He still calls me it sometimes and I still love it.

thoughts on the past month

2009-02-05T22:39:00.003-05:00

So today I managed to connect up with two old friends today. It's been a while since I had talked to either of them in a meaningful way. Both asked me how things were going for me, and my answer surprised me. I said it's been both a gong show and wonderful.
In the past month there has been: OSAP troubles, my Dad losing his job, my grandfather's trip to the hospital, computer issue (stupid essay eating machine), a near cell phone explosion, and some classmate struggles... have I forgotten anything?
But also in the past month, I have had a life-changing trip to New York, great times with friends; a reconnection with some that I drifted from, a deepening of other relationships, shared meals together, tears, sleep overs and a new running goal and buddy.
As much as life has thrown at me, its been my friend's who have really kept me a float this month. (And helped me avoid doing something I might regret.... such as go postal on the OSAP people)
Connecting up with my dear friends today helped me remember all that I have to be thankful for. Things have been a wee bit of a gong show but things have also been wonderful in a very different kind of way. It may be uber cheesy, but I love days like today.

Cell Phone Update

2009-02-01T14:22:00.003-05:00

So after 2 hours, the ringing stopped. I assumed the battery was dead, so I hesitantly plugged it in to charge. And now the thing is fine.
I think my phone was possessed. Yes, that's my story and I am sticking to it.

Lesson of the Day: Pay Up and get a non-annoying ringer

2009-02-01T10:01:00.002-05:00

ARG!!!
Today's lesson of the day is brought to you by the experience of having your phone ringing constantly from 9:15 this morning. Believe it or not, but the ring that is only mildly annoying when it rings twice becomes infinately more annoying when you have to walk from College and Spadina back to your place at King and Bathurst. (and have it still ringing as I type) I am tempted to chuck it out the window right now.
Here's what happened: I was supposed to meet my friend this morning to go to a Buddhist temple this morning for our CE class. I got the time wrong and ended up being super early. So I went to get a Starbucks whilst I waited. I started to get nervous that I was waiting at the wrong place so I texted her to check. She responded and then I texted back.... and the phone died. The screen went black. I tried to toggle it, tried removing the memory card to reboot it, tried turning it off. Nothing worked. Needless to say, I started to worry a little... okay a lot. That is my only phone and my life-line.
So when my friend arrived, she thought maybe if she called it would get the phone out of its funk. So as it started ringing, I tried to desperately stop it. And that brings us up to this point. Needless to say I couldn't stop it and its been ringing since. And the best part, the Telus store doesn't open until 12. Another two freakin' hours of ringing!! I am hoping either the phone will stop or the battery will die.
Hopefully Telus will have some good news. I really hope I won't lose all my contacts and my texts messages (I have some really funny ones on my phone) but at this point I will just settle for the ringing to stop!!

Blast from the past

2009-01-30T23:06:00.002-05:00

So in one of those chance meetings that seems to only happen in Toronto, I ran into the guy that I had a MASSIVE crush on in first year.
It happened yesterday whilest riding the subway home. Out of the blue there he was, first year hottie and I was feeling those butterflies again. It was like a wormhole opened up and suddenly I was back standing outside our Totalitarianism class. And it looked like the excitement was not just one way. He seemed genuinely surprised and glad to see me. It felt pretty freakin' great!
It is so funny that after 6 years, 6 freakin' years, that I could still feel like that. Or maybe I mean that I could easily fall back into that. I guess as much as some things change, some don't.
We had a nice little chat and he told me to message him and we should grab a coffee. First year Me is still smiling from ear to ear about it!

Everything's Coming Up Millhouse!!

2009-01-28T22:15:00.002-05:00

Today was one of those red-letter days. In a good way.
So after a very uncomfortably squishey ride to school on the TTC (like I was squished so close to the guy next to me that I thought his viberating cellphone was mine), I got to school and had a wonderful day catching up with friends, balanced with a good amount of work. You know, just enough to make you feel like you had a productive day.
And then, I had to facilitate our class discussions tonight and it went really well. I got some really good feedback and I am glad that I could step up and do that for my friend who is currently ill and was supposed to be it tonight.
Also, I got a great reference letter from a professor and now my internship papers are totally done. Talk about a lot of pressure coming off my shoulders. Now I just have to wait for my interview and the final decision... in April.
And the best of all: OSAP CAME TODAY!!! There is a God! (I know, I know, I should already be sure of that. But let's be honest, OSAP really did play a number on me and I thought that no merciful God would let that happen. ha ha) I am so glad that now I can afford all of the following: Norton Anti-virus, Printer ink, groceries, and perhaps some new running pants!
There were also other little things that when added to the above list made a great day. I just feel really good about today! Yay me!

Dan Levy loves my facial expressions!

2009-01-27T09:32:00.004-05:00

So last night was an epic night of AWESOME! For my friend's birthday present (and maybe also for my own birthday) I got us tickets to Mtv's The After Show. For those that don't know, the After Show is a show that makes fun of pop culture, hosted by the wonderful Dan Levy (who I may have a school girl crush on) and Jessi Cruickshank. In particular, the show is know for its after show comments about The Hills and The City (which I will now admit that I LOVE! And I will thank you not to judge)
Anywho, like 14 year olds, Heather and I lined up at the Masonic Theatre and went to the taping. And it was everthing that I dreamed of. We were seated about 3 rows back and if you look really hard, you can actually see me on the show. I was the one wearing the cute green hat.
Now something special happened during the show. There were about 30 or so people there, and prior to the show Dan and Jessi come out and chat up the audience. I don't even remember what they said, but I did my patented pull-at-the-collar-move and Jessi saw it and made eye contact. Geeky I know but I loved it! But wait there is more.
The show continues taping and Dan made eye contact. And in fact we had a wee bit of back and forth during a commerical break. I totally turned into a giddy schoolgirl. The show continued and it was wonderful. Also, sidebar, hilarious moment where I was taking a shot of the stage and Dan saw it, and TOTALLY smiled for me!
At the end, both Dan and Jessi stay to pose for pictures, so of course we line up. So we get up to the stage with theme and I slide underneath Dan's arm, and he says "I love your facial expressions." Swoon!
Thus starts a little convo between all of us. They thanked us for coming and being part of the show and for being great. Heather turns to Jessi and says "It was totally the hat right, you noticed the hat." and Jessi said "Ya for sure. I love the hat." And I nearly died!
I also geekily thanked Dan for posing in the previously mentioned stage shot.... I didn't care how stupid I looked, I was just excited that his arm was still around me!
I will put up pictures once I get them from Heather. This may make me the biggest geek ever, but I loved it! We already have plans to go back again!

Update: Here is the money shot! Us with Dan and Jessi

Black and Bling

2009-01-27T09:17:00.005-05:00

Oh what a night. It was an epic success. As you will see from some of the pics I post, that everyone got in the spirit.
I had a very funny experience whilst at this party: I had the experience of someone else wearing the same shirt as me. Now I always claimed that it wouldn't bother me in the least. I was so wrong. The other girl with the same great fashion sense walked in and I nearly died! I literally cringed. Thank goodness I was there first and fully established at that point. (I may have also taken pride in being told that I wore the shirt better! I am so horrbile, I know!) Besides that wee little snaffu, things were great. A wonderful night of hanging out with friends and dancing. Really it was just what I needed after a stressful couple weeks.
The pictures are from L-R~ Me and the Birthday girl (wearing a Bedazzled sweater), and the next two are shots of my awesome friends and I at the dance party in the living room

Bad day.

2009-01-24T15:50:00.002-05:00

So yesterday I had just got home from a shopping trip when I recieved a message from my Mom. She told me that my Dad was permanently laid off yesterday...effective immediately. Needless to say, I freaked out. With all the trouble I have been having with OSAP (aka- I still haven't got any money from them yet!!), it just felt like the financial Gods were out to get my family.
I know that we are going to be fine. My Dad's factory closed when I was in first year, and we managed just fine. But this time seems scarier. Dad is older; in the magical bracket where companies won't be fighting to hire him. He is too young to retire early and too old in some companies eyes. I am trying not to let my worries get the best of me, but its really hard to do.
I was supposed to go for a run last night, but by the time my running buddy came, I had dissolved into a puddle of tears. So the night was spent chatting and keeping me from crying.
(Though I am pretty sure at that point I had cried all of the liquid in my body out)
I am happy to say that today, after 14 hours of sleep, I am in better spirits and feeling a little more even keeled. I just felt like my family had our collective legs knocked out from underneath us, and I wasn't sure if we were going to get up again. Today, I am more sure that we will. It may be tough for a bit. But we Kirks are of a stubborn stock.
Tonight, I am looking forward to a wonderful birthday celebration with some friends. Just what I need after some really stressful weeks. Let's hope my outfit is blinging enough for the Black and Bing theme of the night.

Back and Ready to Go

2009-01-23T09:54:00.003-05:00

So,
After a more than a month long unintentional hiatus, I have returned!! Did you miss me? (Let's be honest, Probably not)
So here's the quick recap of what you missed: fabulous birthday, wonderful Christmas (perhaps the best in years), rocking low-key New Year's Eve, impromtu trip to New York (perhaps the best decision of 2009), school starting, visits from dear old friends. Which brings us to today: applications for internship/shopping.
2009 is shaping up to be a pretty wonderful year indeed. I love my classes this semester. They are interesting and scheduled ever so nicely. I don't ever start before 11 am... hello sleeping in.
I have also started running again, which is SO exciting. I am actually being a friend's running coach/ training buddy. We plan on running a 5k race coming up in March. I am excited to have found my running again. I didn't realize how much I missed it until I started again. I am really hoping that it will pre-empt some of those damned migraines. Heaven knows I don't need any more of them.
It is weird how much I am wanting to cram into this semester. After classes end in April, I leave for camp and from camp go straight to internship. It will be my first September not in school since I was five. This is major transition time!
I have realized that whenever I have moved somewhere new, I have always had a safety net. When I went to undergrad, half of my high school friends were there. when I came to Toronto half of my closest friends from undergrad where there. I have never really moved on my own. This is both scary and exciting. This one is going to be all on me... for better or worse.
The other part of the worry equation is that after this semester, my tight-knit group of friends at school may never be together again. Not everyone is going on internship at the same time, which means we might not be back together for our final year. Things have already begun to change. First year we all had the same classes together, and this year we are all spread out. Yet we have held together. And I am sure that we will remain close even after we leave school, it is just something to think about. I have never coped well with the idea of losing friends. I just love our group so much. They have quickly become some of my closest friends and I will really really miss them next year.
Well now that I have that off my chest, I probably should get up and be productive in the world. I am currently typing from my bed. Man I love not having classes on Fridays!

wow, I am bad at this

2008-12-09T16:38:00.004-05:00

Well, I stink at this whole posting regularly thing. Sorry.
And it is not that is lack of material to write about in my life. There were at least three or four times when I thought, "Ooh! I should blog about that." And now for the life of me, I can't think of what they were!
That and my stupid wrist has been acting up. Curse you tendinitis and double curse you papers and your uncanny ability to eff up my plans!
Life has been really great lately. Besides the end of term rush, things have been running rather smoothly. I finally feel like I managed to get the school/social balance figured out.. again. Papers are getting done, I have had some phenomenal nights with friends. Nights like mojitos night, celebrating the end of term at our local haunt, a non-concert night that turned into a Pride and Prejudice night (BBC style) and other festive activities.
And now I am counting down the days till Christmas! I leave to go to my parents' place on Saturday and I can't wait.
I just love every part of Christmas and the traditions that happen at home. And now that the snow is starting to fall (and stay) it is really beginning to feel like Christmas. This causes me great joy and my friends' endless amusement with my joy. In fact, I am pretty sure that a friend of mine invited me to attend a reading of Dickens' A Christmas Carol just to watch my reaction.
So, on such a happy note, I shall conclude this explanation post. I think I am going to pop in a Christmas movie, while I review some sermons. Tis the season after all!

an open letter

2008-11-28T00:07:00.003-05:00

Dear Couple Standing outside my building at 11:30pm,
I am sure that you are a lovely couple. I am sure that you are so in love that it is hard to be apart from each other in the least... even when smoking disgustingly close to the doorway. I respect that love... and may even be slightly jealous. My bone of contention does not lie with your open expression of your relationship through being glued together at the waist.
However, was it really necessary to blow exhale your groddy smoke at me and then proceed to suck face like two high school kids as I walked by? Really? Now I smell like smoke and like slightly voyeuristic. Thanks for the consideration jerks. In the future, please refrain from repeating this situation or else I may be forced to respond with an equally mature response... such as the finger-in-the-mouth-and-loud-gag move. Consider yourself warned
All the best,
Sincerely
Me

le sigh....

2008-11-25T19:38:00.003-05:00

So I have a confession; I am really a 13 year old girl trapped in a 23 year old's body. I love Twilight... the whole series.
I blame my friend who introduced me to them. I had heard of the series, but I have this little thing called school that really has a habit of getting in the way of my leisure time reading. So, they kinda stayed off my radar. Anyways, Tiff got me hooked. She lent me the first book the day after my trip to the hospital with a migraine. And while I was still doped up and probably needing to sleep, I started. I stayed up till 3 that night. I just couldn't put it down!

I like this description from Edi Gathegi, who plays Laurent in the hit film Twilight "I didn't read the books beforehand but I flew through them all as soon as I was cast. As soon as Breaking Dawn came out I read that in two days and that's 750 pages! [Stephanie Meyer, the author] wrote some crack! She wrote a drug and America's hooked." It totally what I said. After that first night, I knew I wanted to own the series, and so like an impulsive, crushing teenager, I went out and bought the whole series. (Very stupid to do on a student budget... I know) And I read them all in four days. I have always been bad at delaying gratification. I just couldn't stop.

So this addiction became something that Tiff and I would spent time talking about whenever we were together. We also decided we would see the movie together, and we anxiously awaited.
And tonight was the night... and it was magical. Okay, that's a little over the top. But it was pretty darn close. Edward is just dreamy... there is no other way to describe it. He is the embodiment of.... well, dreamy. Definitely sigh and swoon worthy! Certainly the movie isn't exactly the book, but it is true to the essence of it. The only way to improve it would be if I was the one who starred in it...

And so after much rambling, I end my saddening confession. I have a crush on a fictitious vampire. You think there is any chance that there is one waiting out there for me? Sigh.

finding joy in unexpected places

2008-11-23T21:58:00.002-05:00

Colour me surprised. I have actually found a course that has really affected me. Okay that sounds really bad. As a nerd, there have been many classes that have opened my mind, changed the way I look at things, but never have I experienced anything like this.
SO here's the back story; From a young age, I was in choirs at my church. Both my parents are musical and I grew up in a house where it was not out of place to burst into song. However, some point, along the way, I lost that joy that singing used to bring. I began to listen to the voices that told me I was a bad singer (some where my own insecurities, others were siblings who didn't love my frequent singing). And I took it to heart. I was convinced I couldn't sing and that no one would want to hear me. I soon found myself apologising whenever I sang (which actually was pretty frequently when I worked at camp) Soon the happiness and joy was gone. I would do little more than mumble or sometimes just pretend to sing.
Enter in my hymnology course. This course is dedicated to looking at the hymns we sing as a church and what they say about what we believe. And one thing that my prof has continually said is we can all sing and we should do it joyfully... even if it is off-key. And that most of us are not as bad as we think. Every week, he reminds us that our song is a gift of thanks to God and God loves it, no matter what. And then we spend the rest of the class singing together.
And by some miracle I heard what he was saying. I didn't realize I was hearing what Fred was saying, until today. Today for the first time in ages, I sang in church. And man did it feel good. I did it with my whole heart and with no trace of shame. It was so freeing!
In hymnology, we have had to do presentations that have involved singing. Well it hasn't been a requirement, but when one person sets the example, we all tend to follow. The first one I was too nervous to do it in front of the class, so I sang to my prof, Fred, in his office... and by that I mean I sang into the bookshelf while he faced the other way. And then the turning point came last week, when I had to teach the class a global hymn. And so I had to sing them the tune, acappella. So I gridded my loins and had at it. And surprise surprise, it didn't go badly. In fact Fred even asked if I had perfect pitch (I guess I was right on key, with no help... surprise to me too!) But that's not the point. The praise and support of my classmates was nice, but it was the joy that I felt when sang the words "Don't be afraid, my love is stronger" that were the key.
And so today, worship took on a new meaning and special-ness. I found joy in a gift that I hadn't offered to God in a long time.

yes, I am still alive

2008-11-19T15:45:00.002-05:00

I know that it has been almost a week since my last post. Let me assure you I am still alive, albeit swamped with school work.
I plan on blogging some this weekend. I am heading to my parents' for a little escape from the city/ my social life. You know the saying "too much ha ha, pretty soon boohoo"? Its beginning to aptly describe my life.
Any who, I have work to do and therefore I must be off.
Blog at you soon

well colour me pleased!

2008-11-13T23:16:00.002-05:00

So, the sermon went really well today. I got a lot of positive feedback and support from my classmates. I was totally worried that because there were two other preachers speaking about the same passage that we would end up with three of the same sermons. But those fears were unfounded. Three very very different sermons. Each reflecting their theological traditions. I am so glad that I was well-recieved and that it is all over. Well, besides the part where I have to evaluate my own sermon (they were taped, so I can re-visit this experience, over and over again... woo...)
So as promised, I am posting my sermon. A) Because I am proud of it and B) I said if it went well I would. Hope anyone who reads this enjoys it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I will admit that I thought I had really lucked out when I picked this week to preach. The Parable of the Talents, yes! Don’t waste your God-given talents by hiding them in the dirt. The sermon would practically write itself. First, I would need to make sure that the tiny dog now is mine and is not forgotten. Then all I needed to do was add a little flair, a solid exegesis, perhaps a little filler. Mention a doctrine and don’t forget to connect it to the Gospel and badda-boom-badda-bing sermon done. Four short pages away from a stellar sermon. All too soon I would be hearing “Well done good and faithful servant.” Right?
No, not at all. I found it very troubling when I looked at the text more deeply. This familiar parable packs a wallop when attempting to unpack it all. As I began pulling at the text, the simple story of God-given talents came unravelled. I found myself gnashing my teeth as I thought about how to tackle this.
My trouble began as I started to look at the image of the Master. And I am not sure about you, but I wouldn’t want to work under that Master. When charged with being harsh and cruel, the Master does not refute this at all. In fact, his actions only confirm those fears. He takes away the talents and orders the third, “worthless” slave cast into the outer darkness. As if the darkness outside of the joy of the master, wasn’t bad enough, weeping and gnashing the teeth are thrown in for good measure. This master sounds like a nasty guy! Is this supposed to be God? Much like the Parable of the ten maidens from last week, or the parable of the wedding guest, there is no happy ending here. The third servant was only trying to be safe and not disappoint the Master. Was this such a bad idea? Was this punishment deserved? Should he be condemned for being safe?
Likewise, this parable confirms the worrying idea of God as the judge who will condemn for anything less than perfection. If there was ever an example of vertical, top-down judgement, this would be it. This is not the God that Jesus had talked about elsewhere. Where is the loving Father or masterful Creator, or even the Companion Spirit on the way? This is the judge, jury and executioner image of God. The God who keeps a proverbial score board of the right and wrongs of your life. How can anyone live up to that? Ultimately I had to ask where the good news of this parable is.
I remember very distinctly the first time that I heard this parable, at summer camp. I was nine years old and I remember sitting in the Christian Education session, wishing we were still playing soccer-baseball. I can still hear their smooth voice as it re-told the parable. Well I didn’t know what gnashing of teeth was, but I was pretty sure that it was something that I wanted to avoid at all costs. To nine year old Melanie, two things seemed obvious. One: while talent might have meant money back in Jesus time, it clearly could be understood to mean our God-given gifts. And because of this, point two: I did not understand adults. Why would anyone hide their talents, whether they were money or gifts? It seemed all a little ridiculous to me. I was thoroughly convinced that I would never become a silly servant who would hide their talents away.
Although in light of our recent economic plight, maybe the third servant was actually quite wise. By burying his talent, he didn’t have to tell his master that the market bottomed out and that the retirement fund is gone. No need to worry about the plunging dollar, because the talent was safe in the backyard, having lost nothing. Maybe the third servant should become an economic advisor during our troubling times! I kid!
I wish I could say that nine year old Melanie was right, that I never became like the third servant. But alas, we can all think of the ways that we have done that. As we grow, and experience the world, we become separated from the best part of us. We learn about mistakes, and their consequences. We learn to fear failure. To fear messing up, to be found less than adequate. At some point we start to doubt the source and doubt the gifts. We become separated from the child-like heart that can accept the gifts from God and isn’t afraid to share them. We get hurt and bear the marks of these fears; we become broken. And we do it to ourselves. Thus the darkness and gnashing of teeth that the third servant experiences is not a result of a judging master, rather the logical consequence of his own actions. If you don’t use a limb, what happens? Atrophy sets in. Use it or you lose it as the saying goes. The servant created a self-fulfilling prophecy whereby he designed the hell that he was cast into. Much like the wedding guest who showed up with the wrong clothes, or the unprepared maidens, when we choose not to receive the provisions given to us, we remove ourselves from the celebration. We do it to ourselves.
This is not the end of the story however. There is good news here. Let’s go back once more. Instead of focusing on the ending, let’s turn our attention to the beginning. What is it that separates the other servants from the unwise one? All three receive the talents. The Master is gracious in the giving. But their response to the gracious giving of the talents is what sets them apart. They understood that the talents were given to be used, not buried. The third servant let his fear control him and prevent him from using the gift that was given to him. Just as we create our own places of darkness, we too create the kingdom of God when we act without fear and live into the promise of transformation. A transformation from our broken fear into wholeness. God gives graciously to all, inviting us to respond and live into the promise of resurrection, a promise of communal renewal and transformation.
Preacher Leonard Sweet describes this parable as one that is not about the extravagance of the gift of the talents, rather a tale about the empowerment of the servants to respond and risk using their gifts. Sweet says “The parable of the talents is less about using your talents wisely than it is about risking all for the master. The hundredfold increase of talents for those servants who risked everything isn't a lesson in wise money management. Instead it's a call to step out beyond the safe avenues, the accepted lifestyles, with the trust that putting everything in the hands of God is the best investment we can make. Only by giving everything over, only by putting ultimate control beyond our short reach do we find the joy that Jesus' parable promises.” The first two servants responded to the grace of giving by knowing that they needed to risk using it and thus were blessed and transformed. And is that not the hope of resurrection? A process of transformation in the name of God through the power of Christ and the Holy Spirit.
Perhaps the childlike view that thought it was silly to hide our talents had it right all along. When we embrace the grace by which God gives us our gifts, we are called to respond in grace. If the first two servants hadn’t doubled their talents, would they have been rejected? I believe that they still would have been welcomed and praised by the Master for their efforts. God does not demand perfection, but God does desire our whole selves. And our whole selves are not ones that hoard, bury or hide. Rather we are whole when we live into an attitude of risk and trust. It is in trying that the promise begins to be fulfilled. Like the tiny mustard seed, it takes only our choice to try rather than shutting down for amazing things to happen.
We will find abundance when we respond without fear. Just like the unwise servant, if we bury our gifts, we gain nothing. But when we risk it, we become active agents in the creation of the kingdom of God here on earth. Our talents are not our possession, but are gifts that are given to us. They only become real when we share them with others. And as we take the risk to use them even a little, we will be empowered to us them more. Because there is a joy in using our gifts for the common good. That’s what they were given for. It is in using our gifts we life our life’s calling, our life-meaning. Think about how a child receives a gift: they rip it open with joy and delight, take it out and use it and share it. We can return to that child-like joy, getting in touch with our childlike heart that chooses to risk because of the knowledge of grace.
After all, who did it that Jesus said would enter into the kingdom? In Mark 10:15 he says “For I tell you, whoever does not receive the kingdom as a little child will never enter it.” God has blessed us with gifts and God gives us the grace we need to use them and enter into the realm of the joy of the master, the living kingdom of God. When we respond with the attitude of risk and daring, perhaps we too will hear the words we long hear “Well done, good and faithful servant”. Well Done.

You do it to yourself, you do...

2008-11-12T06:17:00.002-05:00

bah! Why do I stress myself out to the point of migraines?
I have been up since 5, aching because I spent last night stressing about my in-class sermon on Thursday. In fact, I re-wrote the thing last night and still wasn't happy with it. I ended up spending time deconstructing it with my Mom last night... not to mention shedding a few tears over it myself.
And the funny thing is, there is no need for me to be this worked up. Yes, it is a big deal. But it is not make or break in my career. If I get a decent mark as opposed to a stellar mark, no one will know but me. So why do I care so much?
Part of it is the over-achiever in me... part of it is the pressure I feel (real or imagined) to live up to my mom. She went to school with and was/is friends with my Homiletics prof, who will be marking this sermon. I feel like there is going to be some comparison and that makes me a wee bit nervous.
Ultimately, this stressing has got me nowhere... as usual. It is like a rocking chair, it gives me something to do, but gets me nowhere in the mean time.
I know that my wrestling with this sermon is going to make it a better one, and that this is all part of the process of honing my skills. Maybe that is the lesson that I need to take from this. It is not a sign that I am a bad preacher or that my sermon is going to suck tomorrow, but a sign of living into my call to ministry....
Wish me luck tomorrow when I actually preach this bad boy. Depending on how it goes, I may even post it on here

weekend update

2008-11-10T23:08:00.006-05:00

okay, I know it is Monday. But for me, the week doesn't start till Tuesday, so it makes perfect sense that I would be doing my weekend update now.
Well my trip to Winners was a wonderful success. Two new shirts for pretty cheap! I was excited. I do loves me some Winners.
The real fun however was Jess's birthday celebration on Saturday night. Man, it was a good time. Lots of friends from undergrad came to town to help celebrate our dear Kimball. She and Jenn crashed here post-bar and it was just like old times. Gotta love the lazy Sundays when you wake up and veg. I fear those Sundays are drawing to a close for me. Sigh, I suppose the minister should show up... dang what have I got myself into?

We had so much fun, even though the bar played craptacular music. Even though I got 3/4 of a beer dumped on my lap. Even though, I should not be allowed to text message when I have... embidded any alcohol (sorry to my poor friend to who recieved all those texts... opps). Even though it took us an hour to get home... stupid Toronto and your lack of cabs.
You know a night is going to be solid when the conversation starts with the American election (specifically bashing stupid Palin), moves to Dave Matthews and closes with a good ol' fashion seperation of the guys in the tv room and the ladies in the kitchen. wait, that sounds sexist... it really isn't. the kitchen was just bigger and didn't have guys talking about hockey.
So Saturday was epic, and Sunday ws low-key. Nothing like a Roswell marathon with Tiff to help you recover.
I seriously have the best friends! They make my life so much better!

getting ready for the gong show!

2008-11-08T12:37:00.003-05:00

Tonight a whole whack load of friends from undergrad are coming to Toronto to celebrate my friend Jess's birthday. And man am I pumped. It is always good times with these guys. How knows what adventures we can get into.
I am also hosting the post-bar slumber party, which is tres exciting! I have spent the day thus far fine-tuning the cleaning that I did earlier this week. p to the s, Toronto is the dustiest city EVER!
Now I shall turn the clean up process on myself. I always amazed the amount of time that it takes me to get ready. (Not that it even really gets me anywhere... besides a nice little boost in my confidence) I think I am going to head to Winner's and see if there is anything cute for me to wear out tonight. It feels like a new outfit kind of night.
I will report back on my hunt for something cute.
Wish me luck

kindly read between the lines and eff off!

2008-11-05T16:23:00.004-05:00

So, first off congrats to America and to the incumbent President Obama. I am really impressed and excited to see what this will bring. At school today, people were buzzing about it. In fact, my worship prof was so excited that we opened class by singing a three-part Alleluiah round. It was actually rather impressive... sounded pretty dang good!

Now to the meat of today's post: I need to vent!

I love my friends, but sometimes I want to kick them in the collective junk. Okay, maybe that is an over-generalization. Let me lay the stage for you:

So I am co-chair of community life at my school. This means that I am responsible for ensuring that there are a variety of community building activities that happen at the school through out the year. One medium are educational events called colloquium. They are educational forums that happen and are meant to enhance the learning that happens in these hallowed halls.

Today was a colloquium on Stewardship, being run by a committee from the National church. They had approached us in the summer to run this and basically told me and my co-chair that we just needed to be around and help with the small details, they would handle the rest.

Fast-forward, months later (aka today) and the advertising that they promised didn't happen, and we were left out in the dark. So understandably I was a little worried about turnout from the get go. It is November after all and we all have just a few papers due. To add insult to injury, the committee showed up early and were trying to set up in the chapel while my class was in there having tutorial (we were doing baptisms today... so freaking cool by the way) Needless to say, this really pissed off the TA. Ultimately this lead to a blowout between the TA and the committee leader, leaving me feeling like I needed to mediate it for some reason.

So I am clearly dealing with a little stress and trying to hide it at this point, as people are arriving for the lunch. Now two of my closest friends from school came to the lunch and were sitting with me. They were only coming to the lunch, not the rest of the event and were being rather loud and somewhat rude about it (in my opinion). So here I was in a side-conversation with one of the guests from the committee, and my friend decides to start ragging on me about the disposable plates that the committee is using. Now I am really in a rock or hard spot. I agree with him about the plates but I can't say anything because the person I am talking is the one who choose the disposable plates. It was not my choice and I would have liked to say that. I was pissed because I can't properly explain that it was not my fault, and that I was ticked he was even mentioning it. I shot him a warning look, thinking he knows me and would know not to push it. Guess I gave him too much credit and he kept pushing. SO I responded, saying "Don't push me right now. Leave it alone" In my head, I was yelling a very impressive strain of cuss words at him.

He got the picture at that point. (He still made the comment that he wanted to get me to be angry enough to punch him... I was less than impressed by that) I was so ticked that he wouldn't realize that I was stressed and that maybe pushing me at that point was not the wisest move. I am not exactly a hard person to read. Or so I thought. My friend and I have since talked: we both apologised. Me for snapping at him with anger that wasn't necessarily related to that situation, and him for not knowing I was stressed. I guess I am getting better at hiding when I am stressed...a very good thing. Not everyone needs to know my every feeling. Either I am getting better or he just said that to get out of trouble... hmm. ha ha!

So that was my day... oh ya, I had some class too. Sorry for the lengthy diatribe on stupid fights

just a thought

2008-11-03T21:46:00.004-05:00

I have some of the best friends ever.
I had a wonderful weekend, celebrating being caught up on my school work, filled with hanging out with my friends.
You can't go wrong.

Here are some pics.

The second one is a group shot at Stace's Halloween party

The first one is my friend, who was dressed as Jesus and I on our way into another party

The clean house correlation

2008-11-03T21:28:00.002-05:00

So today was a clean up of massive proportions. We are talking about cleaning for hours on end... from one end of the apartment to the other.
I no longer had use of my desk, my kitchen table, the floor of my closet, the chair by my window and my kitchen sink. Ya... I am disgusting!
When the rest of my life gets crazy, I tend to let my living space fall to the wayside. When it takes so much energy to get through what I need to get through, I just don't care enough to hang up my pants at the end of the day. I always here my mother's voice saying "Touch it once" but I can never bring myself to actually do it. Fast-forward several weeks and all my pants are on the floor of my walk-in closet and I can't get to the few clothes that are left hanging.
And part of me does love the feeling of satisfaction of cleaning, sorting and organizing. It is a sense of accomplishment that is tangible and visible.
I do, however, hate letting it get to the point that it is stressing me out to come home. Usually my messiness starts as a symptom of stress, but when it becomes a cause, I am in trouble. Hence today's massive clean.
But boy do I feel good. My apartment was the last visible sign of how damn crazy my life has been as of late, and I am happy to see it go.
I feel like I am back on track again. No migraines for two weeks now, assignments and tests are all caught up on, Community Life events are going well, and now I have a clean house.
Here's hoping that I can remember that my living space can and does affect my stress levels... and I can avoid having to spend multiple hours re-settling my life.

breaking out the winter coat today

2008-10-29T07:44:00.001-04:00

wha? it's still October for Pete's sake!

wait a second...

2008-10-27T21:43:00.003-04:00

Isn't prayer that is supposed to happen from the heart, not under the pressure of an assignment?
Oh school, you make me laugh.

Thoughts on weather changes

2008-10-27T08:39:00.004-04:00

Dear Changing Seasons,
You are very pretty. I am particularly fond of the way you change the trees to pretty fall colours. Your cooler temps allow me to break out my new fall sweaters and finally feel relief from the summer humidity.
However, I am not a fan with the way that you playing with the barometric meter in my head. I am sure if you knew the migraines you were giving me, you wouldn't be putting me in this position. Right? I am sure that if you knew, the whole hospital trip that I had to endure last week could have been avoided.
I have hesitated saying anything, knowing that it isn't all about me. However, I can no longer ignore the ramifications this is having in my scholastic endeavours. If things don't change, I fear I will begin cursing you every time I see a changing tree, knowing a migraine could be lurking around the corner
Let's not let this change the rest of our relationship. Please just stop changing so much and we will be great.
Thank so much
Sincerely
Me

a little introvert coming through

2008-10-23T15:26:00.003-04:00

so now that I have started, I just want to keep writing.
I guess that's because this year has been pretty crazy thus far. Balancing five master's level courses, being the co-chair of community life at school, starting and ending a relationship, dealing with family illness, struggling with my own migraines in that and everything else that life can throw at me.
And despite of all of that, I have had the best fall yet. I came back to the city after the most wonderful summer and for the most part that vibe has continued.
I am loving living in my first "big girl" apartment, as I like to call it. As an extravert, I have always loved living in community. In fact, until I was in second year university, I had never had a room to myself. And now, in my second year of my Masters, this is the first time that I have lived on my own truly. I was worried I would be dreadfully lonely, or that I would suddenly be dropped by my friends because I wasn't right there (OK, maybe not the most rational of fears but since when are fears and insecurities rational?) And yet I love it! My inner introvert is rejoicing. I love coming home and being able to shut the world out with the twist of a lock. That sounds a whole lot meaner that what I meant. I am just finding that alone time isn't as scary as I thought, and is quite fulfilling.
Well, I suppose I should move onto the more productive things in my life that need to happen. Like school work, cleaning my black hole of an apartment (its starting to worry me a little. How did it get in such a state?) and maybe some grocery shopping. It can't be healthy the amount of sushi I have been eating.

Well this has been a long time coming...

2008-10-23T14:02:00.000-04:00

And so I have broken down.
I have been encouraged by many of my friend's to start a blog, several times. Now whether that is because they would read my blog, or if it was a hope that I would vent more of my feelings here and less to them, who knows? (man, I hope it is because I would write a half decent blog... not the second option)
And so here I go. I am pretty excited about this. I have always been a writer and have stopped writing... well that is if you don't count my countless essays. Writing was always a passion, something that helped me gain clarity, charging me up. Okay, okay, it was also a means of living out my over-active imagination and hopeless romantic nature. And I have missed it. And so, I guess this is my first step back into the realm of writing.
Here's hoping this all goes well!