I am still alive

Well, its been a few days since I've posted. I am doing okay. I've had a couple migraines and therefore been knocked down a peg or two. In fact, I feel kinda crappy today and am hoping that cleaning and organizing my place/ yoga-ing it up tonight will help.
I promise I will post more later. I really need to clean my pig sty of a place... it's gross. And you can't do yoga if there is no room to do it.
Wish me luck. Here's hoping I won't make an ass out of myself in front of my friend who is coming over...

thoughts...

I think I am truly a glutton for punishment.
I know I should write an update about the conference... but so much happened that I still need to process there. It went super amazing but you know a lot happens in six days of intense community.
And being the idiot that I am, when I came home, I decided to watch girly movies. Sometimes, girly movies are the root of all evil... seriously. Let me tell you why this is a SUPER bad idea last night.
I am an emotional person at the best of times. But add in not getting enough sleep, plus saying goodbye to friends and to an event that I have invested my heart and soul into, and it is a recipe for me to dissolve into a puddle of tears at the drop of a hat.
This was an especially bad idea when I have a boy on the brain, and decide to put on the Sex in the City movie. Clearly I made it about 10 minutes in before I was crying.
I then proceeded to cry through the majority of the movie, and have one of the most disheartening conversations ever. A friend of mine was talking to me about my boy situation (which got complex this week) and was so pessimistic and well... mean, that it just depressed me. Normally, she is super supportive, but my situation sounded too similar to the one that broke her heart, so she went into Mama Bear protection mode.
Obviously, not really what I wanted to hear when I was already doubting the situation with the boy (clearly I just wanted to be assured that he was into me)
Cue the boy striking up a convo with me. Now, if I was smart, I would have said "Sorry can't talk, need to go to bed."
Obviously... I did not. Glutton for Punishment= me!
I won't go into details, but ultimately my worst fears were confirmed. He indeed does like someone else. And the super crappy part of the conversation was that he was SO great during the conversation. The way I found out he liked this other girl was because we started talking about my boy troubles. It started because I said I was feeling a wee bit emotionally confused about a boy, and he was just so sweet. Telling me how great I am... you know all those sweet things you want to hear. Except when it is followed by him making reference to this other girl. Cue my heart being wrenched out. Not only has he dashed my hopes, he has done it while killing me with kindness. And he probably has no idea that he is the one that I was talking about (if there is a God, he won't know!)
I am trying to remain positive about this. We have since talked again. And it wasn't weird. Which is a plus. I was totally worried that I may have really put my foot in it last night. I did give him full strength crazy. But true to form, he was amazing. So this is a plus. Friendship maintained. And knowing he isn't into me, in a way, frees me. Prevents me from falling more; which may be a good thing when I am leaving for internship soon.
Sigh. I should have just gone to bed. ha ha! Isn't that always the case?
I will try to make my next post a wee bit happier. Hopefully, this will just be a tiny blip to get over. I will keep you posted.

A Wee Little Break

So I am off for a week to help lead a conference that I have been planning for a year.
Expect an update later.
Take care
love me
ps- Happy Valentine's Day

stupid freakin' migraines!

So in the spirit of honesty, I may or may not be stoned.
I have been dodging a migraine for days now. Between the gong show that has been my life the past couple weeks, school work and prepping for this conference that starts on Saturday.... I knew it was coming. But somehow I was crazy enough to think I could allude it.
And so this morning, after having a wonderful night last night with the ladies, I woke up in so much pain that I nearly puked. Luckily one of my friend's crashed here and was the best ever and went and got my migraine meds, in the pouring rain. I have the best friends. I think I should get her a present to say thanks. She really did take care of me.
Why oh why after nearly two months of not having migraines do they return? It's like casting Paris Hilton in a movie... no one wants to see her, and yet people keep casting her. Why oh why!
Any who, I am going to head back to bed. I only woke up to get something to eat. My meds give me mad munchies. I am off to try and slumber away my medicated stupor.

Stars and Moon

So, my friend (to whom I shall refer to as Stars) just left my place.
Stars and I have known each other since I was 14 years old. We met at camp when I was a CIT and she was a staff member. We bonded over camp and church stuff and soon grew to be close friends. Our friendship has remained close even though we went to different universities and now live in different cities. She is one of those friends that if you don't see them for a while when you get back together, it is like no time had passed at all.
Stars recently got engaged and has asked me to help officiate the wedding this summer. Originally, she wanted me to do the whole service, but because of the way ordination works, I wouldn't be able to do the legal aspects of the marriage. So I will be doing the wedding with a friend of theirs. This will be my first wedding that I have ever officiated and I am so honoured and thrilled to be asked to be part of their special day.
So this weekend, Stars came so that we could pin down some details about the wedding. It was so exciting and fun. Her wedding is going to be great and I can't wait for it. But I must admit, it was a little weird. Not that I would be leading the wedding, because that felt very natural. It was weird because of my history with Stars.
Back when we worked at camp together, Stars and I would lament about our love-lives. One day, I complained that I would never find anyone to be my "stars and moon" (a la all the cheesy romance films that I love so). And so Stars, who was feeling equally down about her love life, said: "That's it! If no guys can see how great we are, then we will be each other's Stars and Moon!" And so the nic-name was born. Now 6 years later, we still call each other that.
This weekend, as awesome as it was, was also a little sad. My Stars is leaving me for a man. The other day, I was talking to a friend about this and he kindly reminded me that I just need to find a new star then. Easier said than done! ha ha!
I hate to admit this but it kind of feels like I am falling behind. Stars has someone, and I am still single. I fear that this sneaky little feeling of sadness might rear it's head on the wedding day. For that reason, I am really hoping that I will be able to find someone to come with me to the wedding. I don't mind going stag, but I think I am going to need some support that day. It is going to be such a beautiful, emotional and heart-warming day. That and most of Stars' friends seem to be married folks.
Don't get me wrong, I am SO so happy for Stars and I am so excited to be a part of her big day. But I just needed to vent a little about it. I know that I shouldn't feel like this, but I do. So I need to feel it and move forward.
(I swear my next post will be happier, and less self-indulgent whining)

Falling in line with the Facebook craze... here is my list of "25 Things"

1. I secretly... okay not so secretly wish my life was a musical. The closet I have ever come was once at a bar called Cowboys where a song came on and everyone started to line dance and sing.
2. As a child, I didn't have one imaginary friend. As my mother would say, I had an army of imaginary friends. My imagination is one of my greatest gifts... and one of my greatest undoings.
3. I get started when previews for scary movies come on tv after 9:00. They run through my mind while I am trying to sleep and my imagination runs wild.
4. I have some of the wildest dreams and usually remember a lot of them. Either this is a good thing, or a sign that I am not getting a full nights rest...
5. I think I have an obsessive personality, with a limited time frame. I get into obsessions that last for about two week intervals and then move on (sort of). For example I went through a very embarrassing stage of loving The Da Vinci Code and everything related to it. Most recently it has been watching Ghostwriter again.
6. I get fictional crushes... all the time. Mr Darcy from Pride and Prejudice, Gilbert from Anne of Green Gables, Edward from Twilight, Adam from a Ring of Endless light... the list goes on.
7. I still blush at dirty jokes. Sometimes I think people say them just to watch me blush and squirm, and I still can't stop it.
8. I am a hopeless romantic. Damn you Disney!
9. I knew I was going to be a minster since I was 8 or 9 years old...
10. which brings me to my next point: I am stubborn person at times. I like to call it my tenacious streak. I reused to admit i was going to be a minster until I was "ready".
11. I spent the majority of my life hating my hair, and now I can't imagine it any other way. I actually love it most days.
12. I have broken: my left arm, my right elbow, my big toe on my left foot, my left thumb... i think that is all. I have had three concussions and far too many sprains to count. I am an accident waiting to happen and often bring those around me down in the process of getting hurt. (Consider yourself warned)
13. I was once mauled by 40 kids at camp. You know the scene in the Matrix where Neo is swarmed by all the Agent Smiths? I was totally Neo, minus the cool powers.
14. I still miss working at Kenesserie Camp and think I always will. However I also loved being a director of my own day camp this summer and can't wait to do it again this summer.
15. I love gratuitous swearing. There is nothing better than a well placed f-bomb. This is a bad habit I need to get in check before I "grow up", lest one Sunday I drop one from behind the pulpit.
16.I still have baby teeth. My adult eye teeth grow into my nasal cavity rather than into my mouth. I had surgery to remove them from said nasal cavity in grade 10. Because i still have my baby teeth, I have a wonky smile.
17. I love the feeling of sand between my toes especially sand from my cottage
18. I have the annoying habit of shouting out when people on television and movies are left-handed. It's not enough that I notice, everyone else should notice too. (I think is a symptom of be a super proud left-handed person)
19. I own over 80 movies, not including TV DVDs.... I think I have a problem.
20. I am irrationally afraid of spiders. We are talking about hyperventilating and shaking and usually tears. I had to have Erin kill all the spiders in our house in undergrad. In return I killed the centipedes.
21. People blowing their nose loudly gives me the heebee-jeebees. I hate when I can hear the transfer of snot onto kleenex.
22. I've always wanted someone to throw me a surprise party. (is that awful to say?)
23. When I go home to visit my parents, I usually don't make plans with other people because I love staying in with them. We have dinner together, watch a movie, and top the night of by having popcorn while watching Numbers (yes, I am aware that I am a 50 year old woman waiting to happen... and you all love me for it)
24. I think that I am fundamentally unable to flirt.
25. My Dad's nic name for me is Puddle Duck, as in Beatrix Potter's Jemima Puddle-Duck. My Grandma Kirk called him that as a child and in turn when I have kids (God willing), my first born shall have that nic name. He still calls me it sometimes and I still love it.

thoughts on the past month

So today I managed to connect up with two old friends today. It's been a while since I had talked to either of them in a meaningful way. Both asked me how things were going for me, and my answer surprised me. I said it's been both a gong show and wonderful.
In the past month there has been: OSAP troubles, my Dad losing his job, my grandfather's trip to the hospital, computer issue (stupid essay eating machine), a near cell phone explosion, and some classmate struggles... have I forgotten anything?
But also in the past month, I have had a life-changing trip to New York, great times with friends; a reconnection with some that I drifted from, a deepening of other relationships, shared meals together, tears, sleep overs and a new running goal and buddy.
As much as life has thrown at me, its been my friend's who have really kept me a float this month. (And helped me avoid doing something I might regret.... such as go postal on the OSAP people)
Connecting up with my dear friends today helped me remember all that I have to be thankful for. Things have been a wee bit of a gong show but things have also been wonderful in a very different kind of way. It may be uber cheesy, but I love days like today.

Cell Phone Update

So after 2 hours, the ringing stopped. I assumed the battery was dead, so I hesitantly plugged it in to charge. And now the thing is fine.
I think my phone was possessed. Yes, that's my story and I am sticking to it.

Lesson of the Day: Pay Up and get a non-annoying ringer

ARG!!!
Today's lesson of the day is brought to you by the experience of having your phone ringing constantly from 9:15 this morning. Believe it or not, but the ring that is only mildly annoying when it rings twice becomes infinately more annoying when you have to walk from College and Spadina back to your place at King and Bathurst. (and have it still ringing as I type) I am tempted to chuck it out the window right now.
Here's what happened: I was supposed to meet my friend this morning to go to a Buddhist temple this morning for our CE class. I got the time wrong and ended up being super early. So I went to get a Starbucks whilst I waited. I started to get nervous that I was waiting at the wrong place so I texted her to check. She responded and then I texted back.... and the phone died. The screen went black. I tried to toggle it, tried removing the memory card to reboot it, tried turning it off. Nothing worked. Needless to say, I started to worry a little... okay a lot. That is my only phone and my life-line.
So when my friend arrived, she thought maybe if she called it would get the phone out of its funk. So as it started ringing, I tried to desperately stop it. And that brings us up to this point. Needless to say I couldn't stop it and its been ringing since. And the best part, the Telus store doesn't open until 12. Another two freakin' hours of ringing!! I am hoping either the phone will stop or the battery will die.
Hopefully Telus will have some good news. I really hope I won't lose all my contacts and my texts messages (I have some really funny ones on my phone) but at this point I will just settle for the ringing to stop!!