thoughts...

I think I am truly a glutton for punishment.
I know I should write an update about the conference... but so much happened that I still need to process there. It went super amazing but you know a lot happens in six days of intense community.
And being the idiot that I am, when I came home, I decided to watch girly movies. Sometimes, girly movies are the root of all evil... seriously. Let me tell you why this is a SUPER bad idea last night.
I am an emotional person at the best of times. But add in not getting enough sleep, plus saying goodbye to friends and to an event that I have invested my heart and soul into, and it is a recipe for me to dissolve into a puddle of tears at the drop of a hat.
This was an especially bad idea when I have a boy on the brain, and decide to put on the Sex in the City movie. Clearly I made it about 10 minutes in before I was crying.
I then proceeded to cry through the majority of the movie, and have one of the most disheartening conversations ever. A friend of mine was talking to me about my boy situation (which got complex this week) and was so pessimistic and well... mean, that it just depressed me. Normally, she is super supportive, but my situation sounded too similar to the one that broke her heart, so she went into Mama Bear protection mode.
Obviously, not really what I wanted to hear when I was already doubting the situation with the boy (clearly I just wanted to be assured that he was into me)
Cue the boy striking up a convo with me. Now, if I was smart, I would have said "Sorry can't talk, need to go to bed."
Obviously... I did not. Glutton for Punishment= me!
I won't go into details, but ultimately my worst fears were confirmed. He indeed does like someone else. And the super crappy part of the conversation was that he was SO great during the conversation. The way I found out he liked this other girl was because we started talking about my boy troubles. It started because I said I was feeling a wee bit emotionally confused about a boy, and he was just so sweet. Telling me how great I am... you know all those sweet things you want to hear. Except when it is followed by him making reference to this other girl. Cue my heart being wrenched out. Not only has he dashed my hopes, he has done it while killing me with kindness. And he probably has no idea that he is the one that I was talking about (if there is a God, he won't know!)
I am trying to remain positive about this. We have since talked again. And it wasn't weird. Which is a plus. I was totally worried that I may have really put my foot in it last night. I did give him full strength crazy. But true to form, he was amazing. So this is a plus. Friendship maintained. And knowing he isn't into me, in a way, frees me. Prevents me from falling more; which may be a good thing when I am leaving for internship soon.
Sigh. I should have just gone to bed. ha ha! Isn't that always the case?
I will try to make my next post a wee bit happier. Hopefully, this will just be a tiny blip to get over. I will keep you posted.