finding joy in unexpected places

Colour me surprised. I have actually found a course that has really affected me. Okay that sounds really bad. As a nerd, there have been many classes that have opened my mind, changed the way I look at things, but never have I experienced anything like this.
SO here's the back story; From a young age, I was in choirs at my church. Both my parents are musical and I grew up in a house where it was not out of place to burst into song. However, some point, along the way, I lost that joy that singing used to bring. I began to listen to the voices that told me I was a bad singer (some where my own insecurities, others were siblings who didn't love my frequent singing). And I took it to heart. I was convinced I couldn't sing and that no one would want to hear me. I soon found myself apologising whenever I sang (which actually was pretty frequently when I worked at camp) Soon the happiness and joy was gone. I would do little more than mumble or sometimes just pretend to sing.
Enter in my hymnology course. This course is dedicated to looking at the hymns we sing as a church and what they say about what we believe. And one thing that my prof has continually said is we can all sing and we should do it joyfully... even if it is off-key. And that most of us are not as bad as we think. Every week, he reminds us that our song is a gift of thanks to God and God loves it, no matter what. And then we spend the rest of the class singing together.
And by some miracle I heard what he was saying. I didn't realize I was hearing what Fred was saying, until today. Today for the first time in ages, I sang in church. And man did it feel good. I did it with my whole heart and with no trace of shame. It was so freeing!
In hymnology, we have had to do presentations that have involved singing. Well it hasn't been a requirement, but when one person sets the example, we all tend to follow. The first one I was too nervous to do it in front of the class, so I sang to my prof, Fred, in his office... and by that I mean I sang into the bookshelf while he faced the other way. And then the turning point came last week, when I had to teach the class a global hymn. And so I had to sing them the tune, acappella. So I gridded my loins and had at it. And surprise surprise, it didn't go badly. In fact Fred even asked if I had perfect pitch (I guess I was right on key, with no help... surprise to me too!) But that's not the point. The praise and support of my classmates was nice, but it was the joy that I felt when sang the words "Don't be afraid, my love is stronger" that were the key.
And so today, worship took on a new meaning and special-ness. I found joy in a gift that I hadn't offered to God in a long time.