You do it to yourself, you do...

bah! Why do I stress myself out to the point of migraines?
I have been up since 5, aching because I spent last night stressing about my in-class sermon on Thursday. In fact, I re-wrote the thing last night and still wasn't happy with it. I ended up spending time deconstructing it with my Mom last night... not to mention shedding a few tears over it myself.
And the funny thing is, there is no need for me to be this worked up. Yes, it is a big deal. But it is not make or break in my career. If I get a decent mark as opposed to a stellar mark, no one will know but me. So why do I care so much?
Part of it is the over-achiever in me... part of it is the pressure I feel (real or imagined) to live up to my mom. She went to school with and was/is friends with my Homiletics prof, who will be marking this sermon. I feel like there is going to be some comparison and that makes me a wee bit nervous.
Ultimately, this stressing has got me nowhere... as usual. It is like a rocking chair, it gives me something to do, but gets me nowhere in the mean time.
I know that my wrestling with this sermon is going to make it a better one, and that this is all part of the process of honing my skills. Maybe that is the lesson that I need to take from this. It is not a sign that I am a bad preacher or that my sermon is going to suck tomorrow, but a sign of living into my call to ministry....
Wish me luck tomorrow when I actually preach this bad boy. Depending on how it goes, I may even post it on here